Is It Time To Move On?
I always say the best time to prepare for a transition is before it happens. But it’s hard to know when to leave one phase and start another. We often can’t or don’t want to acknowledge that we might be in transition until we’re deep in it, until we’re in crisis or some outside factor forces our hand and we have to make a change – whether it’s a career, relationship, or other situation.
Carolyn Buck Luce has the best barometer I’ve come across when it comes to answering the question of how to know when it’s time. In her TED talk, Make a More Purposeful Life, she says: “If you’re anxious, restless, uninspired or simply not having fun, chances are you’re playing someone else’s game.” I love this so much and have been quoting it endlessly because she finally put a name to those nagging feelings we all experience when we’re wondering silently if it’s time to make a change but then quickly ignore or pass off the sentiment as burnout, exhaustion, the daily grind of work and life.
Over one million people are quitting their jobs every week, according to a recent PBS/NPR/Marist poll. Calculated over time, that’s close to one-third of the workforce. We are undoubtedly living through one of the most, if not the most, seismic change to the modern workplace in a generation compounded by inflation, recession fears, and the reality of the new hybrid workplace.
Surprisingly but not unexpectedly, a string of my friends and family have been part of those statistics in the last few months. Some days it feels like everyone I know is changing jobs, accepting voluntary severance offerings, relocating, pivoting careers, or making another significant lifestyle change. In certain cases, the circumstances are bittersweet, but now that these individuals are embarking on a new path, each seems lighter, brighter, and more engaged. Their next path may not even be that clear in some cases, but the sheer fact that they have moved out of a place of frustration and into action has been utterly freeing. And they have all, in effect, said the same thing: What took me so long? The answer is that often we are afraid to listen to the signals that something is not right. That it isn’t just burnout or a difficult situation to be endured. It’s incredibly hard to let go of the status quo and admit that it might be time for a change. And I’m just as guilty as the next person.
If you’d asked me five years ago, when I was still living in New York City with my family, if I felt anxious, restless, or uninspired, the answer would have been a resounding yes. But I was either afraid to acknowledge the feeling in my gut that it had something to do with my environment, or I just couldn’t pick up the signals. Either way, flash forward to the pandemic when we were locked down in an apartment, my kids didn’t set foot in school for over a year, and my relationship with apartment living reached a breaking point. I realized I was desperate for a new backdrop, so I finally made a radical change and bought a home outside the city. But what if it had been less urgent? What if I had taken the time a year or even two years before the pandemic to consider what was missing for me in one place, contemplated what I wanted next, and in so doing, designed an even better transition for myself?
If only our decision points had expiration dates like cartons of milk. Expiration dates tell you in no uncertain terms when it’s time to make a change. It would make life so much easier if it were predetermined for us exactly when it was time to set down or discard one thing and replace it with another. Of course, it’s entirely possible that ChatGPT or another AI source is on the verge of solving this very problem based on all our behavioral data. But until that time, we’ll just have to lean on Buck Luce’s rubric for understanding when to start thinking about and making a change.